One Saturday night, I was laying down on the streets of the neighborhood that I was living in. I don’t know how I got there but I do know that I felt like shit. I felt terrible. My whole body was in pain, my emotions were a mess, and I was having an existential crisis all at the same time.

I mustered all my strength to stand up. I need to get to back to my house. I don’t know where I was right now, but I had the sudden urge that all will be better when I arrive home.

As I stood up looking at my surroundings, I saw cars, houses compressed together, and a lot of trees. It was quiet, too eerie in fact. But, this is what I needed. PEACE and QUIET. I walked towards the side walk and saw beer bottles all over the place.

I remembered that I was at the party of my friend celebrating his recognition for a new business idea that he established. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t jealous at all. In fact, that was the reason why I began to binge drink to the point of collapse. I sighed.

So this is it huh? No ambition, No nothing. What am I supposed to do know?

I spoke to myself while walking, leaning on the cars, to re-orient myself from falling. I tried to organize my thoughts so I can head home.

Thoughts came springing up to my head all over. Damn, everyone got it good except me!

Daryl has a new car and on his way to Australia and immigrate there. Nancy already got her PhD and started working for Google, and Joshua, the host of the party that I attended, was already a legitimate self-made millionaire.

Everyone’s got it all figured out? What the fuck happened to me? What did I do wrong. I said like a mad drunkard. I didn’t know that all my ramblings were getting too loud and some of the tenants in the neighborhood began shushing me.

Sorry but I really have to let loose all these pent-up shit.

I continued on spatting  on some bullshit on the way home while still feeling groggy. Eventually I got home. I even struggled to insert the key to open the place. Once I entered the house, I felt extreme comfort. I felt I was safe, free from harm, and I was temporarily happy and disappointed at the same time.

Contrary to what people may think, the house was not clean. It was dirty. Smelly clothes, garbage, and dishes were everywhere along with a bad odor that can make an ordinary man suffocate. It wasn’t smoke, it was just rotting biodegradables all over the place that made it so unbearable.

I found my way to my room, which was the dirtiest room in the entire house, and plopped my ass to bed without having my whole body on the bed. After some time, I collapsed once again and snored like a bear.

 Morning.

My head hurts like hell. Probably a hangover. I forced myself up to go to bed and went to the bathroom to piss. I head to the living room and began watching TV. After 5 minutes of watching TV, I turned it off for no particular reason.

I just felt like it was the right thing to do. I sat there alone, quiet, and still. As if I there was some cult or something but that isn’t happening. I just sat there.

I sat there without having much of a thought about the problems that I have in life. I literally just sat there and didn’t think of anything as in nothing.

I cried.

I cried because I was frustrated, disappointed, and alone. I cried because I felt like an empty person. I cried because I am jealous.

Some time has passed and my phone rang.

..ring.. ring.. ring.

..ring.. ring.. ring.