Here I am with another dose of procrastination in the mix.

I have this long research paper to do but I just brush it off since I don’t want to do it. I know that I need to do it but I just don’t want to do it. It feels like it isn’t my obligation to do so. At the same time, I should do it since it is my obligation.

I don’t want to do it. I already have the outline and all I need is a draft and build from there, but the research and the writing process seems too boring for me. It’s so technical that I don’t want to even look at it.

Well, I can certainly say that this attitude of mine is a reflection on how I do my work. I’m normally not like this. I just don’t like making the paper with a passion. It’s not interesting and worthwhile unlike some other subjects.

I only want to write what I want to write. I only want to research what I want to research. I only want to write and research what I need and want. It’s just that simple.

My lazy ass won’t even move, and I don’t blame it for not moving. There’s not much to do anyways. Probably the only that I can do now is to study some long and complicated logic circuits for my upcoming preliminary examinations this coming April 12, 2020.

This post won’t be having any topic as I just want to release thoughts of any kind. So do mind that there won’t be any structure or coherence in any of the following paragraphs. Expect jumps, abrupt cuts, and confusing plot lines. I don’t really mind if you stop reading here right now.

I want to have a vivid and descriptive writing style that would help my readers imagine the settings that I would create. I want them to have a better detail on what to expect and what to imagine. No, I don’t want to control the imaginations of my audience rather I just want to supplement it with a little razzle dazzle to spice it up. It’s like pouring additional seasonings that would make the dish even better.

However, those idealistic imaginations will only come to fruition if I put some sort of practice to my writing. Me being conscious of my writing and editing. As we all know, magic happens not on the writing itself but the editing. Imagine a film without some form of edits. Yes, some of them are magical like the first words of your first born or something. But, imagine Avengers without the CGIs. It looks boring as hell. Without the cool cuts and the cinematography, it will look like a boiled potato.

What came to me that made me write this post? I don’t know. I have this sudden urge to write out my thoughts to make my head clearer. I suppose it has to do with the ‘No classes for 1 Month’ and still we have online classes kind of stress. I want to do something, but I don’t know what to do. I tried exploring my interests such as games and pixel art. I don’t really like to play games without playing with others. I like doing pixel art but I still can’t create the images that are inside my imagination.

I like doing arts or any other creative stuff but, I make them at a low-quality level. I would really like to do something ‘decent’ on my first try. I would like to create that ‘landscape art’ that I always dreamt of with at least 70% of coming close to what I imagine it to be. One day your making a pixel art of the house of your dreams only to end up looking like shit because of your lack of skill on delivering your image to the canvas. It’s kind of demotivating really.

Anyways, I feel kind of a dick when coming to social situations. I never fully adapted the Golden Rule by Confucius when going through these situations. I would like to incorporate it to my life but, my ego and pride just seem to disagree. Though I’m getting better at it now than before. It still leaves a bitter flavor every time that I let it slide.

I’m kind of stressed out really. I know that I should do it, but I don’t want to do it. My brain and body reject the act of making that paper. The fact that I can write this long post is the proof that I’m able to write that paper with confidence and fluidity. However, some technical aspects and parts are still needed to be researched.

I already know of the concept of making everything simple so it would be easy. But, I somehow, and I don’t know why I always let it slip. I mean the concept is so simple (Heh, Ironic isn’t it) yet I still forget it. I guess that’s one of the reasons why I can’t seem to remember it. It’s this simplicity and the obviousness that’s making me forget these kinds of stuff. It’s like my mind saying ‘Hey, it’s there and always be there anyways so why bother storing it to our limited memory space?’. I guess it’s still important to be reminded of the obvious cause we can still be oblivious to the things that we think are obvious and apparent. Heh, after that statement I suddenly thought of ‘Our blind spot doesn’t lie on what’s the unknown but from the obvious we become oblivious’.

The thing with doing something is that we don’t follow our emotional state, but we just do it then the emotional state will follow. A great example of this is when we’re down or sad or something, we should exhibit the actions of someone that is lively and energetic usually, from my experience, our brain catches up to our actions and synchronize our emotional state. This is not something new and sounds cliché, but I like it.

I think that a way to differentiate yourself to other people is to break the rules, and just expose yourself to different things. The best tweets are the when most people can relate to. The more people that can relate to your posts the more retweets, shares, and likes you will get. I suppose that a requirement of being “successful” is the ability to relate your work to other people or your target audience. Everyone can relate being a student, parent, or something. When they find it funny or of importance, I think that it is somewhat helpful.

The ability to expose yourself in the world is also important as it allows you to be exposed to a lot of opportunities. Let’s imagine a scenario wherein you made a lot of cool works for sale however nobody bought it and they bought from someone who has the shittier quality than you. What’s the difference? Is it the price? Is the place? Maybe, but it is exposure. The more expose you are the more opportunities and enemies you will get. I guess some people are right, every form of publicity is a good thing. Well… not really. I think some publicity are just straight up damaging.

Side Note:

The way that I talked to Miggy is something that I would not do again. I don’t want it to be a habit when growing up and I don’t want any kids that are important to me feel and receive any kind of that temperament. I’m sorry.