Today was the presentation for our programming assignment.

It was about designing a mobile app and it was an easy project

So on the morning the assignment was given, I was pretty confident that I could finish it in no time at all.

What do you do when there’s an easy assignment? Of course, it’s to finish it as soon as possible, right?

Wrong! You put it off until the last possible minute.

That’s exactly what I did. So, on the late night of Friday after putting off the assignment for almost a week, I sat on my chair put on my focus music and then started to… procrastinate.

I mean I didn’t want to do the project. I don’t know why, but I don’t feel like doing it.

So, I wasted a couple more hours until there were 5 hours left before the presentation. It was only then that I felt a burning fire churn my ass that I finally began to work on the project.

I spent almost an hour and a half in deep work trying to complete the basic features of the project. It wasn’t mediocre, but it was definitely vanilla.

So, I spent the next hour working on the design based on Dungeons and Dragons. I wouldn’t classify my work as a masterpiece, but it was definitely palatable and easy on the eyes if I do say so myself.

I threw the project at the back of my head, then proceeded to sleep as I already wasted the other day watching YouTube and doing stupid shit.

On the presentation, never have I ever felt so ashamed of the work I was about to present.

My peers’ projects were just… wow! They turned a simple project to something so amazing and out of scope of what we’ve been taught.

The professor was praising them and the class group chat was roaring begging the praised kids to share their source codes.

It’s clear that they spent a lot of time working on their project and I bet they learned a ton because of it too. I could only I wish for that level of self-discipline to work on a project and go beyond it.

When it was my turn to present, I was very self-deprecating. I didn’t help that my head was groggy showing the clear lack of sleep. My speech pattern was slurred and I felt the professor that I liked was disappointed with today’s performance.

Honestly, I was disappointed at myself too. I could’ve have done the project a lot earlier and also tried to go beyond like my peers. But I didn’t. It’s not because I didn’t want to learn from the project, it’s because I’m afraid.

I’m afraid that the project was so easy that there’s a chance that I might fail it. I dreaded that failure and moved at the last minute so I could blame all of my failures on the fact that if only I could’ve made my project with more time I know I would create something praise-worthy.

I’m just so full of shit sometimes. All I have are excuses and I know that I could’ve done better. Why was I so afraid? Why did I kept delaying it? Sometimes, I don’t understand why I think and act this way. I knew that I could benefit so much more if I did earlier, but why did I still procrastinate?

So many questions to answer.