Another day, another pain in the ass.

It’s already December, and I’m already stressing the fuck out. Here I am tying the final knot for my internship, while my friends enjoyed their vacations with their families. From my side, it isn’t really going well.

With the recent communication problems from the past employee, I was responsible for handling the technical side regarding my company’s website. It was supposed to be easy, but this dumbass employee never told the details about the website’s hosting. Now, I’m struggling how I’d solve the issue.

I looked over my calendar and saw it was only a couple of days before Christmas Eve. If I don’t resolve the issue today, then I won’t be able to spend the Christmas with my family. So, I began looking for other options.

Knowing that contacting the former employee would be useless, I looked for websites that would allow me to buy a domain for the company. In the end, I found one, and it’s not cheap either. What’s worse, the expense would be coming out of my pocket and not my employer’s.

My employer wouldn’t be able to pay for the expense, since they expected me to use their former hosting, which, by the way, I don’t have access too. They did give me credentials for the original website, but it was only for editing the content, not the entirety of the website. So, it was basically useless to me.

I looked at my screen containing the shopping cart of the domain that I was about to buy and thought about the remaining funds I have with me. I was supposed to buy clothes for Christmas and a couple of presents for my cousins, but it looks like I have to change my plans. Again.

After hesitating for a few moments, I finally decided that it’s better to get this shit over with, and spend my time with my family for Christmas instead. So, I stood up, took up a sum of cash, grabbed my debit card, and headed out to a nearby ATM to deposit cash into my card.

When suddenly, my phone rang and a notification from my aunt came up. I saw the message, and I was about to ignore it and reply for another time, but it was soon followed up by a call. I looked at my phone for a moment and rubbed my temples, and waited for the call to be over before picking it up and replying, asking what was up.

Honestly, I didn’t want to reply. I was tired, exhausted, but she’s my aunt. I know I have to hear her out.

After a while, she told me that she needed my help. I groaned. Here it comes again. Are they going to stay at the house? Are they going to borrow money? Come on, you know we can’t help you with that type of stuff. You know we aren’t that capable.

As I was losing my shit and jumping to conclusions, she replied. She told me that she was recently discharged from the hospital after months of treatment, and they weren’t able to grab a taxi ride home because of the traffic. She asked me if I could get them a Grab drive home.

When I heard that, I felt guilt wash over. Here I am thinking of disrespectful assumptions about my aunt, while she only needed something simple. As if to wash away the guilt, I immediately accepted to help her out to find a Grab driver.

Little did I know I would soon regret that decision.

Using the app was a pain in the ass, it’s not that the app was terrible. It’s just that it’s been so long since I’ve used the app. Every attempt to book a taxi for my aunt filled my room with complaints coming out of my mouth. I kid you not, I tried multiple attempts, but still can’t figure the app out. I suck at this. I really do. I had to call my sister over.

When it’s all said and done, I booked a ride, deposited cash to my bank account, and plopped myself over to a quiet seat. I was reflecting with what I did earlier. I was disgusted, appalled. My behavior of always complaining aloud is one of the things I hate about myself. People may have accepted it as my personality, but it’s not something I’m proud off. In fact, it’s the thing I’m most embarrassed about. It’s as if I can’t control myself, and allowed myself to behave in such a childish behavior.

I looked at my palms and slap myself with both hands. This time, I won’t do that shit again. I don’t want to complain aloud anymore. I don’t want to jump to conclusions quickly. I want to be more rational when I’m stressed. It’s going to be hard, but I’d rather suffer this mental hurdle than regret my decision of never changing my behavior.