When I was a little child, my preschool used to have two-hour breaks where we could do whatever we want.

We could go outside, play around with the swing, and chase each other like cops and robbers. All this with a teacher supervising us, of course.

It was always something I look forward too.

Usually, when we know when the bell’s about to ring, my friends and I are always on the edge of our seats hopping up and down from our chairs and fidgeting and shaking like a bee.

When the bell struck, we rush off to the doors without even saying goodbye to our teacher.

Some kids, head outside as soon as possible, while I, on the other hand, rushed towards the play room.

There’s always something magical in this room. It had all the toys you want in the world. We had building blocks, dolls, action figures, and even puzzles.

Usually, most kids run after toys the moment they step inside the room. But I, on the other hand, looked towards the floor, seemingly lost in thought, and just stare at the carpet that occupied the whole room.

It was a city carpet where there were houses, barricades, shops, and even hospitals.

I remember being so mesmerized that I started following the roads with my finger, and some of my friends would push me to let them inside the room.

Whenever I’m inside, I always grab the red toy car and proceed to sit myself down in the middle of the rug

From there, I follow the road until, with nothing on my mind. I just followed it and so happy to see the buildings of where I end up.

My friends will see me and start grabbing cars themselves. But, instead of doing what I do (following the road), they start smashing each other cars like a lunatic.

Looking at them annoyed, I walked up to them and grabbed their cars as if they don’t deserve it. I picked the cars up and played on the other side of the road while my friends complained on the side.

Now that I think about it, why did I become so frustrated? Was it because they were weird and didn’t follow the road? Or is it because I’m weird because I followed the road?

I think I just hate the chaos in it all.

At the time, I didn’t know about it, but as I grew older, I began to realize that there’s something in me that just likes following the natural flow of things.

I wanted order. I want something used as is.

The road being used as a road. The car being used as something for traveling. The carpet being used for sitting.

Or maybe I’m just crazy? I don’t know.

Well, that was a shit fest, but I’d rather let this one out than let it sit on my head.