It was a Thursday afternoon in the corner of a silent dirty room. I was alone with my laptop with my full attention happening on the screen.

I’ve prepared the whole week just for this moment.

Just for this one opportunity I’m giving it my all.

I reviewed every concept I’ve learned since university. I tried to cover all my bases. I understood all the theory. I understood what how shit works behind the scenes.

Not only that, I practiced algorithms till I get them right.

Although, I’ve only been studying one week for the technical exam. I felt extremely confident. I was fresh out of school with all the working theory behind me. I’ve got internships in the bag, and all that.

Although I didn’t code as much this year, I believe that I could still do well – especially after brushing up my fundamentals the whole week.

I looked up at the time and my arms we’re sweating, my eyes are red, and all the motivation that’s in me that moment wanted to get the test over with.

It was a job assessment and at the end of the road was a large salary for even a fresh graduate student. I was motivated and eager to ace the exam.

When I heard the money, I didn’t even hesitate. If I want the bag, then I have to do everything to get it right.

I clicked on the email that had the link for the assessment and off I go.

I looked at the first questions, and they were easy as fuck. They were all theory!

How Objected Oriented Programming works. How Data structures and algorithms work. How certain parts of Java such as the Garbage Collection, JVM, Multiple Inheritance, and Collections API work, etc.

I breezed through that section like it was nothing, but I wasn’t prepared for the next things to come.

The coding section.

I honestly believed that the coding section would be easy, especially when the initial interview said that it would be.

So, I was kind of relaxed at the moment. With how the theory section worked out, it justified my feelings until I worked on the first question.

The first coding question was easy. I understood the logic, the reasoning, and I’ve already formulated my approach.

But when I was about to code up my answer, I’ve kept getting compilation errors and syntax errors. I was getting very frustrated.

Self-doubt slowly entered my train of thought.

What the hell am I doing? This is an easy problem, but why can’t I make it fucking work! What the fuck is going? How? How! How?! How can I make this work!

I looked at remaining time, and saw 30 minutes left. I had another question to go through, and I can’t afford to waste my time. So, I skipped the question for now and decided to work on the other one.

I clicked the next button and I just laughed.

I saw the question it was so complicated. I didn’t even understand what the question wanted from me. I didn’t understand the examples, the input and output. I stared at the question dazed trying to piece it together.

At that moment, I knew. I knew I wouldn’t pass the technical exam. I pressed the back and next button multiple times hoping that I’d get the answer, but no. I knew my fate. I failed.

I raised my hands up in frustration and I’ve looked back at what I did during university. Every moment, I felt regret welling up on me.

I should’ve prepared sooner. I should’ve practiced three months before. I should’ve made this my primary focus. I should’ve done this and that…

I couldn’t think about nothing else but regret.

I knew I fumbled the test. I knew I threw away an opportunity. I knew I made a mistake. If I only… if only I had the foresight to prepare.

I’ve already heard stories from other people, but I turned a blind eye. I believed that I didn’t need it. Since, I’m only a fresh grad I surely won’t encounter such a problem, right?

Wrong.

It was my arrogance and carelessness that prevented me from chasing a huge opportunity that I so wanted. If there was anyone to blame. It was me. I messed up. I didn’t prepare. I was arrogant and look at where that brought me.

Failure. Sadness. An empty feeling.

But, never again! I don’t ever want to experience this shit again. I never want to feel this pressing failure again. Not anymore.

If I have to prepare years in advance, then I would. I’d never be taken by unprepared again. If there’s only one thing in life this experience taught me. Everything is all about preparedness.

Being prepared at any moment and at any time. It’s not when opportunity and preparation meets. No, it’s only preparedness. Period. Nothing more and nothing else.

My error was I was arrogant. I didn’t heed the advice from those who came before. I didn’t hear them out. I had an ego as big as an elephant. I thought I was the shit. In the end, I was shit.