This fourth entry of Project Arbiter is definitely one of the entries of all time.

It wasn’t because I gave up on the project, nor was it because I tried another new shiny object. Most definitely it isn’t because something outrageous happened.

It’s a different story entirely.

From the beginning of the week, I was optimistic. 

I followed through with all the lessons from Project Scheduler. I added new projects, tasks, and everything while keeping it neatly distributed throughout the week.

I was excited, ready, to take on the week. I felt the support of my partner, and I was happy.

Oh boy, let me tell you one thing. It didn’t turn out the way I hoped it would turn out to be.

I got overwhelmed. It was so bad that I didn’t do anything for two days straight. I was living inside my head!

I disregarded my schedule. I tried getting my shit together, but I can’t bring myself to do it!

Each task written on my schedule was like a mountain I had to get through and I don’t have anything to climb with.

I had moments like these before, but I’ve never been more made aware of my behaviors like before.

I took a step back, observed my behaviors, and slapped my cheeks trying to pull myself together.

It took a while but, eventually, I came to my senses. I stopped thinking about my future and brought my mind to the present.

I started simple. I took a shower forcing myself to stay in the moment fighting the anxiety about my future. I sat on the sofa with nothing on hand and just let myself embrace nothing.

That moment taught me many things, and I reflected on my approach with Project Scheduler.

It’s not that I didn’t do anything wrong with Project Scheduler, but what went wrong — my failure — was never putting the idea of breaking my tasks down into actionable steps.

Let me give you an example. 

I wrote in one of my tasks to write a small article about a programming language. But, it didn’t occur to me how much time it would take. I never considered the research, draft, and verification. 

If I could’ve broken it down to something smaller, I knew I would’ve stood still the entire week.

Thanks to my failure, I know what to do for my next weekly plan. I’m grateful that it happened because it also helped me uncover one of the biggest mistakes I’ve made this week.

I forgot the real motivation for Project Arbiter.

Project Arbiter’s main goal is to build character, but this week I’ve been entirely focused on results and nothing but the results.

This made me paranoid and frustrated at the lack of progress I’ve been making!

It’s this exact reason why I kept on rushing over and over again! 

At the end of each week, I feel the burnout accumulating, and I’ve always forced it through. It wasn’t until recently that it finally bit me in the ass.

I could’ve taken my time and appreciated what I’ve done these past weeks. I should’ve looked back and seen the progress of my character.

I forgot that each project I’ve created this far isn’t related to results. 

It’s always been about how I could’ve built my character — how I can be less shy, assertive, proactive, and many more.

Thankful for these mistakes, I’ve made this week. I’ve learned and I will begin to reorganize my days with a fresh perspective.